The mind of a 4 year old

Bedtime with munchkin included an interesting little conversation cuddled up in the dark the other night...one that really struck me & I thought about it for awhile after.

K: "mommy...I don't want to grow up"

Me: "really? why's that?"

K: "because I want to stay little forever"

Me: "aw toots, me too...I miss when you were a little baby, but I LOVE watching you grow up!"

K: "but I don't want to...I don't want to be 6, 7, 10, or 12...I want to stay little, like 4 or 5"

Me: "I'm sorry honey...this is life - it doesn't work that way. Each day we grow just a teeny tiny bit. 

And each year we all turn a year older...that's just what happens and we can't stop that...so we need to try & be happy with each day that we have & enjoy getting older."

K: "well....do you like being grown'd up??"

Me: "of course I do, growing up meant that I got to have you for my daughter...and it means we get to learn more, do new things and meet new friends...growing up is fun!"
{somehow I'm honestly saying all this without a doubt in my mind}

K: *sighs...deep in thought...looking up to the dark ceiling*

Me: "don't worry about it honey, you're too young for that!" *giggle to myself*

Then we held each other in silence as we always end our day together...I made myself repeat this convo in my head so I'd remember to write it down here...that was a priceless moment for sure.

MAN - was that heavy or what? For a FOUR year old?! Sheesh. And maybe 3 weeks ago, she randomly came up to me and said that she didn't want to go to Kindergarten ..which we've never talked about before...so I assume it's from overhearing the big-kid group at preschool talking about their next journeys onto Kindergarten.

I also found out after, that she'd mentioned a similar thing about not wanting to grow up to James earlier that day....wonder what is goin through that little noggin of hers lately....

What's more interesting as I type this...I realized we have been dealing with (or just casually speaking about) a lot of life's 'adult' pressures...jobs, homes, finances, more kids, etc. It's funny what kids can pick up on & somehow understand, even when you think they are completely tuned out. Then we finally watched "This is 40" with my sister & her bf... hilariously honest movie - exaggerated I'm sure - but definitely spoke a ton of truth.

I don't dismiss the fact that 'time flies' and I find that I'm continually stopping to remind myself of so many things:

 - "she won't be this little forever" - when she asks me to pick her up & hold her

 - "she won't want me to snuggle with her one day" - when she is insistent every night for a book & lots of snuggle time...even if James read to her, momma still has to crawl in for "2 minutes snuggle mamma". *melt*

 - "she won't want me to inspect her every move" - when she says:  "Watch ME mommy!" 152,479 times in a row.

 - "she won't depend on me for much longer" - when I have to help her brush her teeth, change her clothes, brush her gorgeous hair, or prep her food.... though she is very stern when there is something she can "do all by myself mommy".

She's already able to "pump" on the swings all by herself now and swing super high without our help. She has a very strong opinion on her clothing & shoes. She is beginning to correct the "s" that she's had in place of "f"...she used to say "singers" instead of "fingers" - which we just love & the other night I realized she said it correctly, with an "f" - aww!

*sigh*

Life & growing up are a combination of so many things and so many feelings - it's difficult & exciting, challenging & rewarding, slow & fast, heart-breaking & inspiring...

...but most of all, it's pretty damn incredible when you actually stop to think about it.