Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Life. It happens.

I’ve got a LOT on my mind lately…probably too much to write full blog entries about. But to sum it up, I’ve been thinking about my new biz probably way too much…I’m bursting with ideas & have sooo many things I want to do, yet I feel like I’m chained by my wrists to a brick wall – I cannot move. I cannot execute my creativeness. Why? Money. Isn’t that what it always boils down to?? Umph. I want to be free. I want to explore, provide, relish. I need to keep telling myself to be patient, that things need time to grow and that one day, I’ll be able to look back & say “yes, I did this”!

Patience. Patience….And determination of course.

On top of that, I think a LOT about my family, Kapri & James are my purpose for waking up every single day. Kapri is growing up too fast…yet I’m thoroughly enjoying watching those precious moments with her. I mentioned this to a friend today – lately when I look at Kapri my mind races back & forward through time… through the last 2 years. Kinda weird that this convo happened today, because I just realized that literally 2 years ago, on 9/24/2008, is when I peed on that little stick and smiled from ear to ear within the minute or two that the results magically appeared in that small, life-changing window. I think back to that day, then my mind fast-forwards to watching my belly grow month by month…Then to feeling those first mind-blowing flutters…turned to full blown kicks & punches – oh Kapri. *Queue the Colbie Caillat “Capri” song!!* Then it fast-forwards to the hospital. Birth Day. Seeing Kapri’s sweet face & head full of hair…tears. Then I remember those 1st few weeks at home with her…god how I cried. I cried because I did not know or realize just how much this feeling of love could overwhelm me. Why didn’t anyone tell me it’d be like this?? That it’d be THIS incredible?! And that this feeling will never go away – I am so grateful.

Now – she’s 16 months old, full of energy, wonder, & life. She’s got her own little attitude personality…but is so sweet, loving, strong, curious, smart, and gorgeous. Everyday is an adventure. Good or bad, adventure none the less. And do I have all the answers? Nope. Will I ever? Nope. Will I keep moving forward…growing, learning, succeeding & being the best mom I can be? You bet.

1 comment:

  1. this is a beautiful post and although it's not about any big life event it's absolutely amazing to read about. (sigh) i love you!


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