Friday, December 7, 2012

Why are goodbyes so hard?!


Whether it's for a short time, a long time, or a permanent period of time - it's typically never an easy word to say - especially to those you love.

At the airport, saying goodbye to a dear friend or family member. Or when someone close to you moves away. Even for little children, who don't want their mommy's or daddy's to go to work that day.

It can be hard.

But... there are some exceptionally difficult times when 'goodbye' is almost UN-bearable.

When your heart feels SHATTERED into a million pieces and your soul literally ACHES when you have to say it or even think it.

When you don't know HOW you'll go on another day without that person there with you.

When you would give anything to NOT have to say it.

When you know that there is not one single thing you can do to avoid saying 'goodbye'.

When you know you will never see them again.

This is Mitch Romero, 32 years young...the most adventurous, free-spirited person I have ever met...

Mitch married my dear friend Alexandria, whom I've known for about 14 years now. He passed suddenly on December 4, 2012 - he was a father to their gorgeous 2 year old daughter and unborn child.

I'm catching up on MANY blog posts for this month... so this particular post is being written 3 weeks after I received a terrible phone call that shook my world (and hundreds of others I'm sure). In the days after his passing, it took a lot not to think about it when I had so many responsibilities to tend to... but wondering how Alex & her family were dealing, was definitely the last thing I went to bed thinking about...and it was the VERY first thing I thought about upon waking up. The sadness I felt was so consuming... definitely one of the hardest losses to date in my life.


I was in complete shock & disbelief, as many are when death rattles through a community of friends and family. "WHY?!" is the only word that comes to mind more often than any other word. It's just not fair - not fair that this amazing woman Alex, is now left to raise two kids without their daddy...not fair that his two children won't grow to know him, or be cuddled by him, tickled by him, walked down the aisle by him...loved by him. Not fair that Alex has a whole pregnancy & birth to endure without her rock "physically" there by her side. They were/are very spiritual beings - so I have no doubt that this aspect of their beliefs will remain strong in those left mourning him...and will be a guiding light to their days without him. I wish I were that way.

I want to be strong for her and be a nurturing voice to help keep her uplifted through each day - but I can't. At least not recently. I've crumbled every time I've spoken to her...unable to keep my composure and positivity. Unable to find any words of comfort. Unable to try & glue the pieces of her broken heart. Unable to just be.

Have you ever questioned your worth as a friend? Or your ability to be a good friend? Well, I have been the past few weeks. Uncertain in my strengths, which I swore I had. I feel helpless. Guilty. Overwhelmed in sadness.

I think my 'crumbled' feeling comes from how connected as a mother & wife I feel to Alexandria's situation. If I were to lose my husband - I don't know what the hell I'd do. I don't know how on Earth I'd move past it & heal. I don't know how I'd be able to mother my child the way I do now...with his help & support. Without James and what he provides to our family of 3... I just don't know.

We celebrated Mitch's amazing life this past weekend, on Dec. 23rd. It was terribly hard...but oh my goodness - it was so inspirational and SO beautiful. There were 8 people who spoke, including Alex herself. Wow - I honestly don't know how she did it. She spoke the most heart-felt words with such composure... she was so unbelievably gracious and her voice sounded like an angel. Her brother also wrote & sung the most touching song dedicated to him, with Mitch's pre-tuned guitar - there were no words to describe how out of this world he was...perfection. All of his friends & family all had very similar things to say about Mitch... and listening to these things made me want to be a better person and live every day to the fullest.

Thank you Mitch...for being Alexandria's soulmate, incredible husband & perfect compliment... and giving her Ava and baby-to-be (I really hope it's a boy!) were a great daddy. I will try my hardest to be there for Alex as a friend and for your kids as an 'auntie'. My promise to you.

Love you. Miss you. Rest in Peace.

Goodbye my friend.



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